Happy Friday family!
This week, Own Your Power Communications acknowledges The Ujima Awards as Do Gooder of the Week! One of our FB fans brought this organization to our attention and we hope you can help them spread the word.
About Ujima Awards:
Titled after the third principle of Kwanzaa, Ujima, meaning collective work and responsibility, this ceremony is a celebration of individuals as well as organizations for their relentless and selfless service to build and maintain communities throughout New Jersey. We set aside this time to honor the loyalty and dedication of change agent in our community. In addition, we want to recognize their commitment to personifying and resolving the tribulations of the individuals. The evening will consist of community performances along with award recognition of four individuals/organizations.
Purpose of The Ujima Awards:
No community can reach its fullest potential without celebrating and encouraging respect of those who continue to make it a better place for the individuals who reside in it. This ceremony serves as a purpose to acknowledge the unsung heroes throughout communities that have made large above and beyond contributions.
Like them on Facebook here!
Also, check out their website here for more info: http://ujimaawards.com/.
If you are a member of Own Your Power or a Fan on Facebook that has a business that helps others in any way, please email me at simone@ownyourpower.biz and we’ll add you to the list to be featured soon! Spread the word!
We’ll feature a new DO-GOODER every Friday on Facebook, Twitter, the Blog, and our Ning Community.
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Thanks for helping others…please support these charities/businesses that help save the world
Own Your Power,
Simone
Have We Forgotten the Opportunity in Failure
By featured guest blogger, Sheila Prakash
It seems to me the more I look around, the more I see how much we have forgotten the possible opportunities and lessons in failure. I feel we live in a world that is constantly advertising the benefits of succeeding and pushing people to do everything in their power not to fail. The worst part is when we do fail, which is inevitable because we are human, we end up feeling horrible and not good enough because everything around us is telling us how success equates to worth and value. If we look at it that way, it seems impossible to fail and still hold on to our self-esteem. But that just doesn’t seem right to me, especially if we all fail and it is a common way of life, how could our esteem be compromised when we experience such a normal event? Perhaps it’s because we have tied worth and failure inappropriately together, and in turn, forgotten the beauty and lessons in failure.
I remember a while ago how when I quit my advertising job and my life seemed completely upside down, I was trying to figure out how to get my feet back on the ground and what I wanted to do my life. During months of soul-searching, I came to the realization I wanted to go back to school to pursue my life-long dream of helping others. I was six years out of college and the idea of applying to grad school was daunting and intimidating for me. Through my fear, I hesitatingly pushed through and decided to test the waters by going to an information session for a psychological counseling program. I remember being fully prepared and going in with a positive attitude filled with joy and hope. After the session, I went up to one of the faculty members and shared my wish to join the program and proudly explained my background and deep desire to help. Almost immediately, she told me how I did not have the necessary prerequisites, I did not have the right experience, and there was very little chance I would be accepted due to the highly competitive pool of applicants. I walked out of the session feeling defeated, hopeless, rejected, and most of all, like a failure. I thought this was my dream, I thought this was my path – how could have I been rejected so quickly and failed before even starting? I focused on how I was clearly not good enough for this career, how could I have thought I would be able to get into a program that other kids were preparing for since high school, and how terrible it felt to be rejected and to fail.
Then something happened over the next few days. I began to think about how that woman could be wrong and maybe there was more to this failure than I had originally thought; maybe this failure was a test to see if I believed in how someone else saw me or if I believed in the way I saw myself. Was I going to allow someone else to dictate my worth, value, and limits in life? I realized how I had been doing that for most of life before that point. I looked to others to tell me how far I could reach and how far I could soar. I looked at my failures as ‘bad things’ that I shouldn’t share with others and part of myself I had to hide; instead, I used to believe I should only show my joys and successes. But I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to be real and honest and go through my fear of failure. I wanted to look at my failure head-on and see what I could learn from it: how I could stand back up after being thrown down. I wanted to feel the joy in learning how to pick myself up rather than focus on the devastation and perceived personal fault of falling down. And so, I changed my perspective and saw my failure as a chance, an opportunity, to learn more about myself and how I could achieve my goal rather than allow the failure to crush my dream.
If that woman did not come into my life, I would not have learned the necessary lesson to believe in myself and my inner voice beyond all other external things. I also realized how important it was for me to fail and fall down that day because otherwise I would not have discovered my strength, which was hiding inside my fear of failure the whole time. This inner strength allowed me to pick myself up, listen to my intuition and apply to grad schools, receive my letters of acceptance, and begin my journey of achieving my dream. This same strength has been guiding me ever since. So the next time you find yourself failing, instead of getting down on yourself and feeling worthless, try and find the opportunity in it which may allow you to grow and the lesson waiting to be found through the experience. We all fail, it’s a necessary part of life – wouldn’t it be great if we begin to value the failures as much as the successes because, the way I see it, some of the truest successes are actually hidden opportunities in the failures.
Sheila passionately believes in everyone’s ability to open their hearts and heal their hurts in order to discover and share love. She follows this passion as a psychospiritual therapist and welcomes any contact at prakash.sheila@gmail.com.
Sheila Hawkins is Own Your Power’s favorite time management coach. Check out what she has to say about getting things done. It’s actually Procrastination Awareness Month…so get cracking and listen up to Sheila. She knows her stuff!
Own Your Power,
Simone
April is Procrastination Awareness Month, which makes it time to step back and take a look at what you’re doing. To look at what you’re putting off and what’s really up with that; what’s really going on with you and why you’re procrastinating. I put together this series of short audios to give you a look at procrastination and some practical steps that you can take to start to reveal what’s behind your behavior.
Okay, okay…before this turns into a blog post gone horribly wrong, let me be clear…we’re not talking about incest here. That’s a whole ‘notha blog! I’ve been inspired to write about this topic after speaking with my client Kevin (name changed) who is dealing with raising his son –from afar. He’s in Florida and his son is in Texas, however he’s very active in his son’s life. He speaks to him often and visits him monthly. However, he’s noticing that his son is doing a lot of things that shouldn’t be expected of a little boy, but more of a BOYFRIEND.
He noticed with his own eyes, the mother demanding the son:
Oh…I forgot to mention, the poor kid is only 8 years old and has two girl siblings that aren’t bossed around as much. Makes you scratch your head, right? This of course has caused an upheaval with how they raise the boy. Kevin’s feeling is, point blank.. she needs a man in her life. However, I think it goes deeper than that. A man won’t complete her. She could be a bit of a control freak and also have a fear of abandonment as well. She has some inner-work to do on herself to release that sense of control.
Now granted, all children should have chores. And yes, many kids love pampering their parents every now and then. I used to have a whole spa set up for my mom whenever I visited her—mani, pedis and facials. She loved it! However, what isn’t healthy is when it turns into child labor and it’s expected daily! LOL
What Can Go Wrong with MOMMY IN THE MIX?
Let’s fast forward to this young boy’s teen years and early adulthood. Many of you have seen it…the momma’s boy whose mother is involved in every waking moment of his life. She is in the driver’s seat, not him. He’s either manipulated by fear or guilt or a nice spicy mixture of them both. The majority of the time she’s a single mom (but not all the time!) He can’t make a decision until he checks in with his mother. And the worst part, all of his intimate relationships are destroyed, because no one is “good enough” for her baby aka HER MAN.
True Stories of Momma’s Boy’s Victims
I asked a few of my clients and friends to share their Momma’s Boy Horror Stories to give you a taste of what you’re creating if you fit the bill of the smothering mother! Whew, brace yourself….These women have some steam to let off! I couldn’t even include everyone or it would be a book!
Momma’s Boy Victim No.1:
The Situation:
“It is my opinion that my mother in law is manipulative and likes to have the final word in my husband’s life. However, my husband does not see it that way. For example, he has invested in a property in overseas despite my concerns of him not keeping up with his responsibilities as a husband.
When I initially met his mother, I told her that her son was not keeping up with the bills in our home in order to keep up with this property and I explained to her that I do not think she should keep supporting/encouraging these investments, but instead of respecting my wishes, they secretly invested in another property.
The Last Chapter
At one point, my husband and I even separated because his mother’s guidance to go against me. We went to counseling but, he begged me to stop because it was too much for him to deal with. However, he still does not see how his mother’s influence on him is driving us apart. At this point, I’m ready to tell him to go f*O!$$% his mother because I’m done!” Mrs. Married to Momma’s Boy, 36 year old, wife
Momma’s Boy Victim No. 2:
The Situation:
“I was dealing with an only child and a only son of a mother who had been abandoned by his father. While we were together his mother was going through a messy divorce from her second husband. Now, anyone can go throughout these sorts of circumstances and should not be judged for a situation. Once I became involved with her son, her only child and only son, the strange reality of their co-dependent relationship became painfully clear. Now, I could write volumes about what I dealt with over the next nine years, but I’ll keep it as concise as possible.
These two (mother and son) literally talked to each other via phone at least two to three times a day, not including text messaging. There were times (and I say this without any exaggeration) that they could even check in with each other up to 10 times a day. Ridiculous!
But if this weren’t bad enough, during these conversations she would make him feel like he was the only person in the world who was there for her or could help her (even though she came from a large close-nit family who lived in the same state as her) while her son lived on the other side of the country.
The Breakdown
The list could go on, but the parts of their co-dependency that most affected me was her meddling into our relationship. She always put on an “act” to pretend that she was nice to me and that she liked me but, only because she didn’t want her son to get upset with her because he was in fact in love with me, and yet at the same time she belittled our relationship during their constant phone conversations.
The Last Chapter
The final straw of me attempting any sort of niceties or “friendship” with her was when she point blank told him not to marry me, in front of me no less, once he made it clear that that was the direction he was ready to move in with me. The fact that I was an independent woman who not only paid for herself but him too during his unemployment, that I provided every need for her son, was completely faithful to him, was well educated, well spoken and had class… All of this was not enough for her. In fact these very things used against me because, she knew that I was a great catch and soon her son would slip from her grasp into husband-hood. He was actually on his way to becoming a man and this scared the you-know-what out of her.
We in fact did get married eventually, but she still didn’t let up. She continued all of her co-dependent efforts which eventually actually worked. As she played more of a victim than ever before, the guilt became too much for him and he began sabotaging our relationship and seeing ME as the bad guy. He began behaving horribly and taking actions that would kill any relationship. And her reaction as she saw our marriage unraveling… To tell him everything he was doing was justified and that if need be he could come and live with her! So when enough was enough for me, that’s exactly what he did. He ran straight to his mother and has been living with her since… Mama won and look at the man-child she created in the process.” Ms. Fed Up, 32 yrs old, ex-wife
Mommas in the Mix – BEWARE: It’s an EPIDEMIC!
The mothers in these situations are clinging on to their sons dear life. He’s her baby—even if he’s 37! A thing to notice about these mothers is that 9 times out of 10 they are not focused on THEIR LIFE, they have an obsession for controlling others since they have no control over their own lives. They most likely are not in a loving relationship with a mate (even if they are married, it’s probably not a happy one).
When you are untrusting of new love or terrified to be hurt again, you will cling to the only love you know…YOUR SON! What we have here folks is an example of CO-DEPENDENCY in relationships.
What is Co-depenency?
“The codependent is afraid to be alone. Their biggest fear is abandonment and they will do almost anything to avoid it. Somewhere along the way they never learned how to set appropriate boundaries and their self worth is measured by other’s opinions of them.
A codependent feels that if they seek justification for their actions that they are not going to be held accountable for them. They people please in order to feel accepted rather than learning to accept themselves and the responsibility for their actions.
Codependents depend on other people for their mood, emotions and happiness. They will often make great sacrifices to do what they think is pleasing to others. When their acts of kindness’ are rejected, they take it personally and can become aggressive.:
Source: Anatomy of a codependent relationship by Stacia Elizabeth Whitbeck.
Next week we’ll delve deeper. If you’re this mom, we’ll offer tips on what you can do.We even have a “Momma” confession of how she’s turned THREE of her son’s into Momma’s boys. But in the meantime, remember he’s YOUR SON, not your MAN!
It’s almost swimsuit and shorts season again … and if you’re like most of us, you’ve packed on a few extra pounds during the cold winter. Before you sign up for the latest fad diet, why not try a few simple, everyday changes in your favorite recipes that will shave off fat and calories more painlessly than a strict (and often unrealistic) diet. We’re betting you won’t miss the fat … and will probably continue to use the smarter new versions long after you’ve shed those extra pounds!
Trade yogurt for sour cream
When I make fajitas or chili, I make sure to have all the fixings — fresh lime wedges, chopped cilantro, sliced black olives and guacamole. But instead of fatty sour cream, I pass around a dish of yogurt. The thick, Greek-style yogurt (like FAGE Total brand) has the same dense creaminess as sour cream, and I like its tangy flavor. An ounce (about 2 tablespoons) of low-fat yogurt has about 18 calories and less than a gram of fat. In contrast, even reduced-fat sour cream will add some heft to your meal, with 38 calories and about 3 grams of fat per ounce. (Regular sour cream is about twice the amount of fat and calories as its reduced-fat version.)
Swap soy creamer for heavy cream
“We do an alfredo sauce that’s just incredible, and it doesn’t have any heavy cream in it,” says John Procacci, executive chef of Healthy Chef Creations, a national meal delivery service. His secret? Soy creamer. With 15 calories and 1 gram of fat per tablespoon (compared to 52 calories and 6 grams of fat for the same amount of heavy cream), soy cream like Silk can be used in many cream-based recipes, such as cream soups and bisques and cream sauces. Procacci suggests adding soy creamer at the very end of the recipe, since it won’t reduce like regular cream. Soy milk can also be used in place of dairy milk or cream for sweet and savory recipes; at 100 calories and 4 grams of fat per cup, it has one-third fewer calories and half the fat as whole milk. Silk Soymilk has recipes and cooking tips on its website.
Use cheese where it counts
In cheesy dishes, such as macaroni and cheese or lasagna, be judicious about what types of, and how much, cheese you use. The amount called for in the typical mac ‘n cheese recipe is way more than you need. I make my favorite recipe using 1 percent milk and cutting the amount of cheese by one-third, and my picky family is none the wiser. While many reduced-fat semi-hard cheeses, such as cheddars or colbys, don’t melt as nicely as their full-fat counterparts, part-skim mozzarella melts quite nicely. When you’re using cheese as a topping, such as in vegetables au gratin, you can also opt for smaller amounts of strong-flavored cheeses. A tablespoon of Parmigiano or Pecorino Romano sprinkled on a dish of chopped broccoli, then broiled until it bubbles, will pack a flavor punch at about 4 grams of fat and 50 calories.
Sub apple sauce in baked goods
Did you know that a cup of vegetable shortening has a whopping 1800 calories and 205 grams of fat? You can significantly cut the fat in cakes, muffins and other….READ FULL STORY HERE!
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